July 15th, 2012

July 15th, 2012, is the worst day of my life to date.  My boyfriend, DeForest, passed away from complications from a ruptured appendix that day after a week and a half in the hospital and doctors telling us that he was doing fine and recovering.  That's not a critique on the doctors - medicine is complicated and I don't think anyone did anything wrong and ruptured appendices can take people unexpectedly; it's just a statement of how unexpected and shocking it was.  He was my favorite person in the whole world, and the best person I have ever known (and I know a lot of really great people).  To people who don't know him, it's impossible to describe just how warm and caring this man was, and just how many people's lives he changed, and while it is incredibly amazing that this man loved me most in the world, it's incredibly hard to have that gone.

I'm getting better slowly.  But that would be why I haven't posted anything on the blog in two months.  Well, the first couple weeks of that are because I started playing Minecraft again, and between Minecraft and pulling things together for Pennsic I was being lazy about posting on the blog.  And then we went to the hospital on July 4th.  We had spent the morning sewing together, laughing and cuddling the kittens and sewing clothes to bring to Pennsic, the annual two-week SCA event that over 10 thousand people attend.  And then the pain started.  That week and a half in the hospital is both wonderful and not - DeForest got to see just how loved he was, and I know he was humbled and awed by how many people were constantly visiting him, and we got even closer that week as we realized just how dedicated we were to each other as I was there every day in the hospital with him.  Of course, it was also in a hospital, and he was in more pain than usual (he had Crohn's disease, lupus, and cronic neuralgia on 32 square inches on his side, so he was used to more pain than I've ever known), so that part wasn't the best.  But I will always remember the look on my man's face every time I walked into the hospital room - I've never seen anyone look at me with that much adoration and love.  I couple days ago I was hanging out with a friend, and I was saying how I loved DeForest so much, and she just looked at me and said "that much was obvious."

Some days are bearable now, and are starting to be decent.  Other days suck.  It's been five weeks now.  It might be a while before I start posting things again here, but I'll be back eventually, I imagine.  I know he would want me to continue doing all the things I love and continue loving life as much as I did (and still do, though it's hard some days), and I liked posting here about the things I made/make.